The Cusp of Change

Breakthrough

I’ve been struggling for many weeks now with being “on the verge” of something new and exciting. It’s just there out of reach. I’ve been reminded again and again of the song from West Side Story,  “Something’s Coming.”

I’m  filled with impatient expectancy one moment, then with bone-numbing anxiety about what it might all mean.

I wish–oh, how I wish–I could say I’ve already experienced the breakthrough and am reporting my success. But I haven’t (yet). I’m still stuck on the cusp of change. It’s making me crazy!

When I drew this card, Breakthrough, from the Osho Zen site this morning, I felt the yearning resonate all through me. I experienced an immediate recognition that this is what I need and dread–this is what is coming. It swept through me with relief.

Relief was immediately followed by that now familiar dread. My scared voices yelp, “I’m not ready! I need to stop it! Slow it down!”

“No, No,” say the other inner voices, “Welcome it, embrace it, revel in it. The Chaos of Re-Creation showing up at your door? What an honor!” 

Yikes!

So, I’m poised here still, divided between retreat and advance, afraid and exhilarated. Teetering on the cusp…  I wonder, ”What will come next?”  Stay tuned!

This commentary from the Osho site is framed in Zen Buddhist terminology, but it was too good to pass by. Since I’m a more western-oriented metaphysician, I did a little translating, included in brackets here.

     To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master [healer]. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology [metaphysics], the psychology of the buddhas. It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed.

     Your chaos is very ancient – for many, many lives you have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger. But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.

     Zen, or meditation [or metaphysical/spiritual prayer], is the method which will help you to go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.

                                              Osho Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen Chapter 1

 

Commentary: 

     The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination.

     All of us occasionally reach a point when “enough is enough.” At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don’t, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.

     If you are now feeling that “enough is enough,” allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.

“The Fool on the Hill”

Infinite possibility!  A brand new moment, each moment… endless freshness of being, eternal spring, eternal youth and optimism.

“Are you brave enough?” ask the cards.

Creativity requires courage, inspiration and willingness to work hard. That moment of suspension between what once was and what is now possible…. what a heady and frightful moment!

There is a  great wisdom in seeing each moment fresh for what it truly brings, rather than what habit or belief dictate we should see. The new idea, the new sonnet, invention, recipe, or relationship — regardless of the arena of expression, the creator must experience that moment of perilous faith at the start. 

Standing on that cusp, the soul trembles, steps forth, and soars.

Commentary from the Osho Zen Tarot website:

Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust, symbolized by the white rose in his hand. The pattern on his waistcoat contains the colors of all four elements of the tarot, indicating that he is in harmony with all that surrounds him. His intuition is functioning at its peak. At this moment the Fool has the support of the universe to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life.The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the ‘rightness’ of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear ‘foolish’ to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyze them with the rational mind. But the ‘zero’ place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.

Fiber Festival Rocks!

I spent yesterday afternoon at the Southeastern Animal Fiber Fair – an annual event held at the “Ag Center” near Asheville Airport. Two floors of fiber and fleece, with spinning wheels, accessories, angora rabbits, and hundreds of maniacal fiber fans — just like me!  It was wonderful

Last year I came home with bags of dyed rovings for needle felting, but this year I am back to primarily cruising for yarn… and then more yarn. I was pretty moderate in my first foray yesterday, but when I make a return visit today (and maybe Sunday too) I’ll have a plan in mind for some of that gorgeous yarn and then I’ll bring it home to join the multitudes already stashed.

Knitters and their stashes are a well-known joke in crafting circles. “She who dies with the most yarn wins” is the ruling principle. There’s nothing more luscious than baskets filled with skeins and balls or yarn. From glitter and eyelash to lace-weight merino, to bulking woolen and kettle-dyed sock yarns — it’s all gorgeous! 

There were interesting trends at the show this year. First, it has grown significantly over the years, with the llama, sheep, goats and alpacas spread out through several barns and the overflow of venders, along with the fleece show and sale, in a second sales building. The main arena is packed with vendors and class areas — spinning and felting are popular classes along with a plethora of knitting technique sessions. The array of classes from beginner sessions to master seminars on a single technique is impressive. Many were already marked “full” on Friday afternoon… but many are still available.

Admission for adults is only $3. Parking is ample. Wear comfy shoes!  It’s a feast for the senses and a revelation about the importance of fiber animals in our agricultural and  cultural areas.

Still Defrosting….

I participated in a “Shred-a-thon” today for National Protect Your Identity Week.

It was outside.

It was 43° with wind and occasional drizzles.

It was four hours long.

This lolcat expresses it perfectly.

Have a great weekend all!

A Weird Theft

Very weird. The other night I left my car unlocked (totally my bad). When my son got home late that night he reported that the trunk and passenger doors were open.

Missing: a cardboard box full of literature for handing out at public awareness events for my job; half a case of bottled water; cleaning supplies, and the tote bag I keep price tag and labels, scissors, safety pins, small nails and tape, etc., for tagging items at the re-sale booth.

That’s all. 

Left behind: a car full of flea market finds, including a couple of used coach and fossil handbags, vintage  glassware and at least three small items of jewelry, bunches of CDs, a charging device for my phone,  and a collection of miscellany.

Dumb thieves? Interrupted thieves? Unlucky thieves? You pick.

Regardless, getting robbed sucks.

It is somewhat comforting that I had lent my new GPS unit to my son, so it returned safely to me and the thieves are no doubt still wandering in the wilderness, unable to “turn right in 150 feet.”

Fear of the Ordinary

I’ve always resisted being “ordinary” – whatever that means. I’ve felt I had to stand out and be noticed, but not too far out. Too far out and one becomes a target, not a light.

But in the struggle to find that perfect balance, to stay on the edge of special, to be a little different, a little better, and little more, much can be lost.

The breath of relaxation, of lack of self-consciousness. The simple pleasure of being in the moment, for the moment’s own sake, not for appearance, or judgment, or loss or gain. The simple ordinariness of being is the extraordinariness of it as well.

Ordinariness

The lovely tarot card from the Osho Zen deck, Ordinariness, embodies this duality so perfectly. See the commentary below, gaze into the landscape and allow the moment by moment experience of the every day give you grace.

Let the light burst forth from your soul not from its stretched out limits, but from its whole center, unfettered, unstrained, unstudied. Stand on the bridge of self and watch as you move beneath in natural and joyful action.

Have an ordinary, extraordinary day.

Sometimes it happens that you become one, in some rare moment. Watch the ocean, the tremendous wildness of it–and suddenly you forget your split, your schizophrenia; you relax. Or, moving in the Himalayas, seeing the virgin snow on the Himalayan peaks, suddenly a coolness surrounds you and you need not be false because there is no other human being to be false to. You fall together. Or, listening to beautiful music, you fall together. Whenever, in whatsoever situation, you become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds you, arises in you. You feel fulfilled. There is no need to wait for these moments–these moments can become your natural life. These extraordinary moments can become ordinary moments – that is the whole effort of Zen. You can live an extraordinary life in a very ordinary life: cutting wood, chopping wood, carrying water from the well, you can be tremendously at ease with yourself. Cleaning the floor, cooking food, washing the clothes, you can be perfectly at ease–because the whole question is of you doing your action totally, enjoying, delighting in it.

 Osho Dang Dang Doko Dang Chapter 3

Commentary:This figure walking in nature shows us that beauty can be found in the simple, ordinary things of life. We so easily take this beautiful world we live in for granted. Cleaning the house, tending the garden, cooking a meal–the most mundane tasks take on a sacred quality when they are performed with your total involvement, with love, and for their own sake, without thought of recognition or reward. You are facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary. Forget all about making headlines by inventing the latest widget, or dazzling your friends and colleagues with your unique star quality. The special gift you have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.

Frazzled

I’ve been feeling that way the past few days. Too many things going on, too many balls in the air at once. It’s time to slow down a little and breathe… Just breathe.

…ah, that’s better.

Seriously though, I am struggling with finding and keeping my centered, calm, wise-self in charge right now. I’ve got a lot of chaos in my head and can’t seem to find the quiet time to figure out that’s up.

Last night, I took the time to drive to a beautiful spot called Cataloochee Valley in the Great Smokies. I watched the majestic and amazing elk as they grazed at sunset. then I drove back up out of the valley and home to Asheville. 

Elk at Cataloochee

It was a great first step to reclaiming my peace. I didn’t take pictures this visit but I’ll dig out one I took in the past to post.

The elk were reintroduced to the park a few years ago and they have thrived. A huge bull was very full of himself last night — bellowing and running at another younger bull (who wisely backed off). 

Maybe I’ve just been too full of self-ness — trying to do, trying to stay in charge, trying too hard.

Some good food for thought.

Brief Update

Fish number 3… brought in last night. 

My son was here and disposed of the evidence.

George was clearly pleased with himself and spent some time diligently cleaning off his wet paws.

Maybe George caught the collecting bug from me.

Every day’s an adventure!

Tarot Tuesday – Ch-ch-changes…

Change….nothing more certain, more exciting, more devastating, more normal.  Here’s my card for the day drawn from the wonderful Osho Zen Tarot. 

Change

Life repeats itself mindlessly – unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That’s why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death, death is followed by birth; love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love; success is followed by failure, failure is followed by success.

Just see! If you can watch just for a few days, you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern. One day, a fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy, and another day you are so dull, so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide. And just the other day you were so full of life, so blissful that you were feeling thankful to God, that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness, and today there is great complaint and you don’t see the point why one should go on living…. And it goes on and on, but you don’t see the pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it.    (Osho Take it Easy, Volume 1 Chapter 7)

Commentary:

The symbol in this card is an enormous wheel representing time, fate, karma. Galaxies spin around this constantly moving circle, and the twelve signs of the zodiac appear on its circumference. Just inside the circumference are the eight trigrams of the I Ching, and even closer to the center are the four directions, each illuminated by the energy of lightning. The spinning triangle is at this moment pointed upward, toward the divine, and the Chinese symbol of yin and yang, male and female, creative and receptive, lies at the center.

It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

This has to stop…

A friend dropped by to visit a little while ago.

She said, “I know this sounds strange, but do know you have a fish on the kitchen floor?”

This one was little smaller than last night’s — a little less than four inches long.

Where is the crazy cat getting them from?  

I mean, yes, there is a small stream across the street, but it has never had fish in it

…until now apparently.