I Am What I Am


Today is my birthday. The moon was full when I was born, the skies early spring’s deep blue-purple, the stars brilliant, even in New York City.

I was blessed to be born into laughter!  My mother arrived at the hospital only minutes before my birth. Back in those days, medication was routine, but my mom pushed away the mask with nitrous oxide, saying she was fine (after only 45 minutes of labor, why wouldn’t she be?) and then she was pushing!

As I emerged she commented, “I don’t know why I suddenly find this so funny!” So I was born into a delivery room full of laughing nurses and doctors. 

I always thought that colored my approach to existence. Laughter is such a divine gift! Right up there with friendship, flowers and birds.

So I celebrate my existence today — with thanks to my mom and those laughing folks who set the tone for a lifetime.

From the Osho Zen Tarot:

You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That’s what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you. The stars and sun and moon, the trees and birds and earth – everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant which cannot be filled by anybody except you.
This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.

Osho God is Dead: Now Zen is the Only Living Truth Chapter 1

This naked figure sits on the lotus leaf of perfection, gazing at the beauty of the night sky. She knows that “home” is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance. The stars, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds – all are our brothers and sisters in this dance of life. We human beings tend to forget this, as we pursue our own private agendas and believe we must fight to get what we need. But ultimately, our sense of separateness is just an illusion, manufactured by the narrow preoccupations of the mind.
Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling “at “home” wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you. If on the other hand you’ve been feeling like the world is out to get you, it’s time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars.

Happy everyday to all!


Patience…Now Please!

It’s a snowy day in North Carolina. Our second big storm of the winter, which is two more than usual.


I’m stymied by the weather. I had plans to re-arrange the sales space at New Visions Marketplace. 

I’m moving my things to a spot near the front door — more visibility, more eye-appeal, leading, it is hoped, to more sales. 

But instead, I’m at home: puttering around, making soup, impatiently crossing from window to window looking for that mythic door into summer. 

I need a good dose of patience, and I need it right away! 

Oh ironies of ironies!  I went to seek the commentary on the card at left, only to be stymied yet again. 

The Osho site is down temporarily. 

I know there’s a cosmic lesson in here somewhere. But right now I think I just better go stir my soup. 

Hope everyone out there is safe and warm.  Blessings!

Owie Wowie!

I’m writing this from my hospital room — I’ll be here at least another day. While my surgery went very well, there were more extensive repairs done than anticipated, thus the switch to inpatient.

I’m incredibly sore and tender.



The staff here are all — without exception — professional and caring. I’m in very good hands and am grateful.

I feel like the pain is this giant mountain I have to climb to get where I want to go. All I need is the grit and persistence to do it.

 Here’s my tribute to courage to keep me going.

Zen Osho Commentary:
This card shows a small wildflower that has met the challenge of the rocks and stones in its path to emerge into the light of day. Surrounded by an aura of bright golden light, it exposes the majesty of its tiny self. Unashamed, it is equal to the brightest sun.

When we are faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice: we can either be resentful, and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow.

The flower shows us the way, as its passion for life leads it out of the darkness and into the light. There is no point fighting against the challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower you are meant to be.

Blessings to All!

The Cusp of Change



I’ve been struggling for many weeks now with being “on the verge” of something new and exciting. It’s just there out of reach. I’ve been reminded again and again of the song from West Side Story,  “Something’s Coming.”

I’m  filled with impatient expectancy one moment, then with bone-numbing anxiety about what it might all mean.

I wish–oh, how I wish–I could say I’ve already experienced the breakthrough and am reporting my success. But I haven’t (yet). I’m still stuck on the cusp of change. It’s making me crazy!

When I drew this card, Breakthrough, from the Osho Zen site this morning, I felt the yearning resonate all through me. I experienced an immediate recognition that this is what I need and dread–this is what is coming. It swept through me with relief.

Relief was immediately followed by that now familiar dread. My scared voices yelp, “I’m not ready! I need to stop it! Slow it down!”

“No, No,” say the other inner voices, “Welcome it, embrace it, revel in it. The Chaos of Re-Creation showing up at your door? What an honor!” 


So, I’m poised here still, divided between retreat and advance, afraid and exhilarated. Teetering on the cusp…  I wonder, “What will come next?”  Stay tuned!

gravatar octobia

This commentary from the Osho site is framed in Zen Buddhist terminology, but it was too good to pass by. Since I’m a more western-oriented metaphysician, I did a little translating, included in brackets here.

     To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master [healer]. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology [metaphysics], the psychology of the buddhas. It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed.
     Your chaos is very ancient – for many, many lives you have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger. But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
     Zen, or meditation [or metaphysical/spiritual prayer], is the method which will help you to go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
                                              Osho Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen Chapter 1
     The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination.
     All of us occasionally reach a point when “enough is enough.” At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don’t, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
     If you are now feeling that “enough is enough,” allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.