Sitting with my Feelings

The Outsider

I’ve had the sensation lately of being out of balance, off-kilter, or out of synch. It’s uncomfortable, and my inclination is to seek — as quickly as possible — to get back to a place of balance and comfort.

Sometimes, though, it’s not possible to do so. Sometimes, the right action is to sit with the discomfort, let it ride itself out, and see where things end up. Since I’m still in the middle of the ride, I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I have to trust that everything will be okay.

The Outsider portrays my feelings perfectly, and as usual, the Osho Zen Tarot commentary is full of wisdom for us.

So you are feeling yourself an outsider. This is good. This is the transitory period. Now you have to be alert not to fill yourself with pain and misery. Now that God is no longer there, who is going to console you? You don’t need any consolation. Humanity has come of age. Be a man, be a woman, and stand on your own feet…. The only way to be connected with existence is to go inwards, because there at the center you are still connected. You have been disconnected physically from your mother. That disconnection was absolutely necessary to make you an individual in your own right. But you are not disconnected from the universe. Your connection with the universe is of consciousness. You cannot see it, so you have to go deep down with great awareness, watchfulness, witnessing, and you will find the connection. The buddha is the connection!
aa         Osho God is Dead: Now Zen is the Only Living Truth Chapter 3
aaa
Commentary:
The small child in this card is standing on one side of a gate, looking through it. He is so small, and so convinced that he cannot get through, he cannot see that the chain holding the gate is not locked; all he has to do is open it. Whenever we feel ‘left out’, or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small, helpless child. It is not surprising, as the feeling is deeply rooted in our earliest childhood experiences. The problem is that, because it is so deeply rooted, it plays over and over again, like a tape, in our lives. You have an opportunity now to stop the tape, to quit tormenting yourself with ideas that you are somehow not ‘enough’ to be accepted and included. Recognize the roots of these feelings in the past, and let go of the old pain. It will bring you the clarity to see how you can open the gate and enter that which you most long to become.
 
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