I’ve been struggling for many weeks now with being “on the verge” of something new and exciting. It’s just there out of reach. I’ve been reminded again and again of the song from West Side Story, “Something’s Coming.”
I’m filled with impatient expectancy one moment, then with bone-numbing anxiety about what it might all mean.
I wish–oh, how I wish–I could say I’ve already experienced the breakthrough and am reporting my success. But I haven’t (yet). I’m still stuck on the cusp of change. It’s making me crazy!
When I drew this card, Breakthrough, from the Osho Zen site this morning, I felt the yearning resonate all through me. I experienced an immediate recognition that this is what I need and dread–this is what is coming. It swept through me with relief.
Relief was immediately followed by that now familiar dread. My scared voices yelp, “I’m not ready! I need to stop it! Slow it down!”
“No, No,” say the other inner voices, “Welcome it, embrace it, revel in it. The Chaos of Re-Creation showing up at your door? What an honor!”
So, I’m poised here still, divided between retreat and advance, afraid and exhilarated. Teetering on the cusp… I wonder, “What will come next?” Stay tuned!
This commentary from the Osho site is framed in Zen Buddhist terminology, but it was too good to pass by. Since I’m a more western-oriented metaphysician, I did a little translating, included in brackets here.To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master [healer]. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology [metaphysics], the psychology of the buddhas. It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed. Your chaos is very ancient – for many, many lives you have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger. But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible. Zen, or meditation [or metaphysical/spiritual prayer], is the method which will help you to go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker. Osho Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen Chapter 1 Commentary: The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination. All of us occasionally reach a point when “enough is enough.” At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don’t, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If you are now feeling that “enough is enough,” allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.